By ,14-Feb-2014 07:43:00
My sexuality is not about sex.
Regardless of what the media, the church, or politicians say, my sexuality is not defined by my sexual behaviors or by the size of my penis. I am attracted to men; I like men; my desire for other men doesn't stem from an erection but from the intimacy I have with men that I can't have with women.
For the other men reading this who enjoy loving other men, you probably can relate to the experience of coming to grips with the attraction you felt for the same gender. I was 12 the first time I kissed another boy; I was 14 when I came to the realization that these feelings I felt toward other boys were not accidental or experimental.
Our society has been saturated with the idea that sex sells. Patriarchy has conditioned us to view women simply as bodies and gay men as defective members of manhood. For a long time I struggled to separate the act of sex from my sexuality. I thought being gay means being a top or a bottom and being fearful of vaginas.
It was only when I began my activism work that I realized that being gay means so much more to me than just whom I sleep with or what body part a man has. For me, being gay means daring to be revolutionary by loving another man no matter what society thinks or says about it.
One day I met a man who turned my world upside down and helped me redefine what my sexuality means to me. This guy, whom I will refer to as "James," was attractive: He had this way with words, and a smile that took my breath away. James happens to be transgender; he was assigned "female" at birth.
The first time I met James, I was walking down a hallway when he passed by me, and I instantly turned around and introduced myself. He smiled, and in that moment my mind was blown. James had me captivated. He did not have to worry about disclosure with me, because prior to meeting him in person, I had already heard about his work as a trans advocate. The attraction was overwhelming, and I found myself conflicted, with thoughts like, "How could I be attracted to him? What does this mean about my gayness?"
Over a period of several months, I would fall for James. I remember our first kiss; it took place under the bright lights of an abandoned downtown Brooklyn in the middle of the night. Few people were around, and I felt like I was in a movie. I remember when James surprised me and flew out to Miami. We spent two nights jamming to Beyoncé, watching movies, and cuddling. I knew that my ability to love a man was not restricted to his erection, that my ability to love men was not determined by genitalia, and I discovered this in part because of James.
As for me, intimacy isn't found in a penis but in the way his hands melt into mine. The way he stares into my brown eyes and lets me know that he is looking into my soul and isn't afraid of my darkness. The way he assures me that I am enough. It's the swagger in his walk, the way he talks. Intimacy, for me, is beyond penetration: It is the ability to sleep beside one another, to touch, to hold and affirm without having to penetrate. For me intimacy is being able to cry in front of him, wearing no makeup and having my hair messy.
I am calling on all my gay, bisexual, and queer cisgender men to start talking about our attraction and love for all men -- including men who are of the trans experience, because our ability to love and to be loved runs deeper than the superficiality that often surrounds our interaction with other men.
By ,09-Feb-2014 18:48:00
"It's great losing one's libido. It's rather like being unshackled from a lunatic"
By ,05-Feb-2014 19:51:00
Coming to terms with prostate cancer – counselling can help.
Talk don’t walk
Call now on 0845 165 1830
Coming to terms with prostate cancer can be a very anxious and distressing experience for everyone affected by the diagnosis/prognosis. Counselling is available for you
By partnering with Relate Greater Manchester, Prostate Cancer UK will be providing access for up to 10 free sessions of counselling Working together with our respective knowledge and skills we want to provide the necessary support to help you and your family. Counselling is available for individuals, couples or family members. Relate services are available for people of any ethnicity, faith, gender orientation or age.
Counselling can help by giving the opportunity to talk through:
- the diagnosis of cancer and subsequent treatment.
- changes and problems with relationships because you have cancer.
- difficulties talking to and supporting each other.
- problems talking to children or parents and other relatives about cancer.
- challenges in getting ‘back to normal’ as a couple or a family when cancer
treatment is finished.
- problems with sexuality resulting from surgery, treatment, altered body image,
- tiredness or anxiety.
Relate offers confidential counselling and we will not normally give your name or any information about you to anyone outside the organisation unless we have reason to believe that someone, especially a child is at risk of harm.
How to contact us
If you or a family member are living with or are recovering from cancer and would like to meet a counsellor you can ask your cancer nurse, doctor or your GP to refer you. You can can also ring Relate directly – All sessions are free.
Phone: 0161 872 0303
346 Chester Road
0161 872 0303
Open 9am - 9pm, Mon to Fri.
By ,05-Feb-2014 19:46:00
Relate has teamed up with Prostate Cancer UK to offer counselling sessions to up to 20 people affected by Prostate Cancer in Cumbria.
The counselling sessions, which are being funded by Prostate Cancer UK, can be offered face to face or by telephone/email and can be provided to individuals or couples.
The sessions are aimed at addressing relationship issues that may arise from a diagnosis, symptoms or treatment of prostate cancer. The service, which will run until the end of October 2014, can be accessed by telephoning 01302 347732 between the hours of 8am and 10pm Monday to Thursday, 8am and 6pm Friday and 9am to 5pm Saturday.
By ,05-Feb-2014 19:31:00
Newly updated NICE guidance CG175 on how best to diagnose and treat prostate cancer will help doctors to ensure that men are given information about the treatment options available and help in choosing the best option to suit them.
Since the original recommendations were published in 2008, a number of new treatments have been licensed for the management of hormone-relapsed metastatic prostate cancer. There is also more information now available on the best way to diagnose and identify the different stages of the disease in a hospital setting, as well as how best to manage the side effects of radical treatment.
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